Dear Professional American Football Player

You know what? I like your style. I think what you do on the field is pretty awesome, and then the way you celebrate it? Wow, just … awesome. Like the other day, when you guys were losing something like 35-3 with a minute to go, and you managed to slip around the Left Guard and sack the quarterback. That dance you did over him as he struggled to his feet, and the way your teammates celebrated with you left me speechless. And that one time that you stopped the running back on a routine play up the middle, and then you started moving your body like a chicken in heat was also really impressive.

Thanks for doing your job.