Dear Whatever -- Stop Being Stupid

Dear Twizzlers

Ron Veenstra — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 05:25:19 +0000

I was reading through your nutritional information this evening, and noticed that you claim a serving size was “4 pieces”… I know from personal experience that an actual serving size is roughly 2 pounds. You could probably save yourself and your customers some time and effort by simply printing “this entire bag… and hopefully someone else has more.”

Twizzlers are delicious,
Ron

Dear Mike and Mike in the Morning-

jonathanlaughlin — Mon, 09 May 2011 22:55:08 +0000

Learn a little bit about hockey. It will make your show more interesting, and you won’t sound like you think the NBA playoffs are the only thing happening right now. You overestimate the NBA’s importance and popularity every time you take to the airwaves. It’s not as great as you seem to think it is.

Jonathan

Too mean.

jonathanlaughlin — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 18:55:15 +0000

Sometimes, the hate can be a little too much. Hence the self-censored deleted post.

Dear iPhone Auto-correction

Vendar — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 13:06:19 +0000

‘handguns’ is not an appropriate auto-correction for ‘gametime’.

Thanks,

Dear Post Office

Ron Veenstra — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 06:10:53 +0000

I get that you are anxious for your work day to be over, but when you slam the door shut as an old lady is pulling it open, then lock it, all while pretending she doesn’t exist ( and 3 minutes before closing time ) it makes me think you might be a terrible, terrible person.

I suppose it’s not easy keeping that Post Office customer service reputation at its place. Thanks for doing your part!

Also, why does it take 24 hours to move the mail from the blue box inside the post office a full 15 feet over into the next room?

Someday robots will do your job,
Ron

Dear FedEx

petergreen — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 21:26:21 +0000

If your website says that the last pickup at a given location is 4:00 PM, and I arrive at said location at 2:08 PM, I shouldn’t have to hear, “Gee you just missed the FedEx guy. Guess this’ll go out on Monday.”

In short, learn how to tell time. If you need to use a digital watch, rather than one of those fancy antiques with little metal arms that move around (I know, I know, the short hand representing a longer period of time IS confusing), I’m okay with that. Just stop being stupid.

Sincerely,
Peter

Dear Facebook Users

Vendar — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:25:24 +0000

Do not threadjack. When someone posts a status update, and someone else comments, and then you dive in and are all “Hey second commenter, I’d like to start a new totally unrelated conversation about whatever here on the original poster’s status update”, you are breaking the internet.

Dear Mom from the Olive Garden Commercial

Ron Veenstra — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 02:33:15 +0000

I wouldn’t get my hopes up about Donna.

Love,
Ron

Dear Dish Network Phone Tree

Vendar — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:28:41 +0000

Your menu system sucks. You offer two options, neither of which apply to me. When I’m frozen due to indecision, you offer me the two options again.

Thankfully, jamming 0 enough times took me to a human being. Not so thankfully, she proceeded to send me through to another phone tree.

Sigh.

- joel

p.s. It would not be in the spirit of this blog to mention that when I did get through to a human being, he was extremely helpful and got me taken care of right away. So I won’t.

Dear Movies

Vendar — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 16:11:54 +0000

Cars peeling out on sand do not make squealing noises. Because it’s sand.

love,

Joel