Dear Baby Bunny

Here’s the deal: 10 times out of 10 Lawn Mower beats Baby Bunny. I realize you are young, and not yet that experienced with these things, but there are plenty of better places to hide than directly in front of me in the tall grass. You see, I have no interest in hurting you, but if I can’t see you, there’s not much I can do. So how about next time you abandon your hiding spot a little earlier, rather than waiting until I’m almost on top of you, and then springing out, giving me a heart attack, causing me to scream like a little girl, and making me feel like a complete idiot… deal?

Tell your friends,
Ron

P.S. Also, you are ridiculously cute

Dear Birds

Hey guys. It’s me, the guy who throws seed out in the yard.

Look.  I like you.  You look cute, hopping around my yard all day.  You tweet all day long, fly around, and  flee whenever I come outside.  But you’ve got to stop tweeting at 3:00 AM.  I know you’re excited that it’s summer. I know winter is really long.  But c’mon – there’s other animals that have a hard time resting when you are evidently tweeting through a megaphone.    I’m sure the neighbors down the street would appreciate it; there’s lots of junk cars and other crap to perch on.  I bet you those things even have mirrors; you birds really like to tweet at yourself in mirrors.

It’s nice we had this talk.  I look forward to your vigorous tweeting tomorrow – sometime around 7:00 AM.